Marriage verses Selfishness

After a much needed trip through the aisles of my local grocery store yesterday, I found myself in line with a nice young lady who greeted me with a smile. I learned that she is a senior and we talked of her plans after High School while she rang up my groceries. I noticed she was one of two checkers working that evening and I was already completing my payment whenever the bag boy came to load the food into bags.

He huffed and puffed and whenever I asked him about his day, he complained that it had been a very busy and exhausting day for him, "they didn't schedule enough people," he said, "and I just want to go home." I razzed him a bit about being a "big boy" and doing his job to the best of his ability, even when he doesn't feel like it, then made sure to note to him that he really was doing a good job; sorting the lunch meats and cheese together, frozen foods together and so on, which I appreciate.

I like this kid. He's very smart, and a senior this year as well. On the way out of the store, he was still whining to me and the therapist in me just laughed. "It'll be okay. Take a deep breath, in your nose, out your mouth," I half joked, then did it with him as we made our way to the trunk.

As he and I loaded my car with the assortment of goods, I snagged the bag of cookies my husband had requested and joked with the boy that I would hide them from my husband until he helped me unload the car and if he complained that he didn't see cookies, I would pretend I had forgotten to buy them at all.

He says, "Wow, maybe I don't want to get married, if that's what marriage is like." Again, I'm laughing inside because he has no idea, at seventeen, what silly things you do in a marriage. I gave him the side eye for a minute and saw a young boy who had been handed much, and expected little of in his life and couldn't resist the urge to impart a little truth on him.

"Then don't," I looked him dead in the eyes and replied. "Marriage can be wonderful, but it's work. If you are a selfish person, don't get married. If you can be selfless, go for it." His eyes got huge. I don't think he was expecting a response, and especially a serious one.

I turned to continue choosing the bags I wanted in the front with me and went on, "If you're a selfish person, don't have kids either, for that matter. And I'm not saying have an abortion... if it happens, you man up and be a dad!" I looked back on that last point and gave him my best mom look, to emphasize my words. His eyes were like saucers and his mouth was open a little. I couldn't help but laugh!

We laughed out loud together for a minute at how serious our conversation had turned, and he joked that he was just trying to help me with groceries, and was going to need to practice those breathing techniques again now, as he pushed the empty cart around the car and toward the building. We said our goodbyes and I laughed the whole way home.

That poor kid never saw it coming. Just doing his job (albeit begrudgingly) and some random lady gives him the talk many parents dread, and fail to deliver themselves.

I'm still laughing over this. I could tell he got my message and will chew on it for a while. I hope he carries this truth with him and even shares it with his peers. It would be quite a big deal if more young people got it into their heads that marriage is serious business, and not to be taken lightly. This whole, "It's okay, if it doesn't work out, we'll just get a divorce," mentality will only get you exactly that.

Marriage isn't all cupcakes and rainbows, but it is a beautiful and complicated part of life. If you'll throw in the towel the first time you can't see eye to eye with your spouse, you wont stay married long.

~Life lessons in a parking lot with Lanie

Does God speak today?

"Have you ever wondered why God hasn't spoken to you? Saturday morning around 3 AM I was in and out of the sleep and apparently was working on several different problems that had caused me some concern. God very clearly communicated with me exactly how to address these issues in my life and they are huge." -quoting my grandfather on a past post to social media.

that question... "Have you ever wondered why God hasn't spoken to you?" it's been repeating in my mind since I read the post some time ago.

I have a theory.

My theory is that God speaks all the time and we just tune him out... yup. spiritual selective hearing.

I can remember one time at a church camp I attended, whenever I felt like God spoke to me. I was thirteen and facing a lot of inner turmoil over some pretty nasty stuff going on at home. I was having a lot of self doubt and questioning if my unconventional and oftentimes inappropriate upbringing would adversely affect my parenting ability.

I had decided by age 9 that I wanted to have two children. A boy and a girl, in that order. I had, by age 13, noticed that many of the people who wanted children couldn't have them and those who had no desire to parent had too many!

In the middle of worship that summer, I broke down in happy tears because I felt God tell me that I would not only have children, but that I would be a good mom. Strange, I suppose, that such a seemingly small word gave me a confidence and assurance I carried into adulthood.

I can remember excitedly telling my step-mom about what I heard, whenever I came home from camp, and her nearly falling over faint thinking I meant right then! I had to calmly reassure her that it was a future promise, not an immediate sort of thing. I learned then that whenever God speaks to you, others are rarely going to understand it the way you do.

I'm crazy blessed to say I do, in fact, have a boy and a girl, in that order. Also, their childhood is turning out to be a world of different than mine was, thank God.

Despite our shortcomings and those of our own parents, my husband and I are doing our best to raise these children up in the way they should go. We're by no means perfect, but we try and that alone is half the battle.

~Have you ever clearly heard God speak to you? 
Delanie

A time to be born and a time to die...

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;

a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 lays it out pretty cut and dry that there is a time and season for everything, including death.

As far back as I can remember, I've held the belief that whenever it's my time to go, I'll go. I don't fear death, because I see it as more of a new beginning than the end of everything.

Within the last month, we've had two family members die in quick succession; one great grandmother (94 years) and one great-great-aunt (80 years), both well advanced in years and both in poor health the last years of their lives.

Rather than feeling sad and lamenting over their deaths, I find myself happy and rejoicing for them; their pain is over and their suffering is through! The troubles of this life are over for them.

I guess to some it would be strange to be okay with death, but I've got news for you folks, we're all going to die one day and quality of life is kind of a big deal. Who would want to live to be a hundred if they're incapacitated in every way and in constant pain? Definitely incentive to respect and care for the one human meat suit you've been blessed with.  

~thankful for every moment with them, and grateful the Good Lord took them home in His time.
Delanie

Gender Roles

I'm strangely okay with being a woman who stays home with her children.

Amidst an awkward conversation I participated in recently, I was informed that women are responsible for the tank in the economy. Yes, you read that right. Because we want all the men's jobs.

It's not the stock market crash or even the world wars that have devastated and reshaped the American economy over the years, it was the Women's rights movement. 

What the what?!?

I wont dignify the conversation with a replay, but summed up: if women just did what they're supposed to do and left the world of business and politics to men, everything would be just dandy! 

Superficially, this sincere argument, which he wholeheartedly believed in, irked me a little; being a highly intelligent and capable woman, but deep within, it brought me to the legitimate question of gender roles and my place in this big ole world. 

I look at my husband, a physically stronger human who excels at difficult and mundane tasks I would have no desire to do, which he tackles with ease. Then, I observe my ability to multitask efficiently and accomplish intricate and delicate matters, he would surely bungle. God didn't make man to be alone, we're supposed to be a team. Everyone is different, and we all have strengths and weaknesses. I'm good at taking care of kiddos, so I happen to fall into that stereotypical woman role, I guess.

I chose to quit the workforce, with the support of my husband, whenever we brought our first child into the world. I didn't chose this because it's easy, or because it's "my place" to do it. According to this man, I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, but according to certain familial authorities in my life, I'm wasting away my time and should be sending my kids to daycare and participating in the workforce and playing my role in society instead.

Women's rights movements, from what I remember in history class, have made it their ultimate goal to attain financial equality in the workplace as their male counterparts. I guess my point here is, what about a woman's "right" to stay home with her children, before they begin their formal education? Is it really too much to ask, to be the one to hold your child whenever they've scraped their knee, or had their feelings hurt? Or to be the one to properly correct inappropriate behaviors that if gone unchecked will become unhealthy patterns as they grow older? 

I'm not sure anyone has the perfect answer to these questions, but I do know what I AM doing... I'm doing whatever needs to be done, and is in my power to do, to the best of my ability. 

Right at this moment, that means toilet training, encouraging an excitement to learn and instilling a healthy respect for authorities into my small children. I may not be conquering a mountain or changing the course of history, but I'm rocking this mom thing! I love my place in this world!

~"Whatever you do, do it with all your heart, as unto the Lord and not unto men." Colossians 3:23,
Delanie

The thing about Sunday...

"The Sabbath." 

"Black Sabbath?" 

"No, like THE Sabbath." 

"Huh?"

What does it mean to "take a sabbath" in our day and age? I asked myself this recently when some random movie I was watching mentioned "Observing the sabbath" in a comical, yet intriguing way...

I've been exploring the subject and meditating on the concept, so here's what I've got:

First I broke out the old King James and read Exodus 20:8, "Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy." Okay.

So, like 'Remember' as in, "Hey man, you remember that time we...?" probably not, right?

Then I remembered that preacher guy saying something about "context matters." huh... let's see then.

~

Exodus 20:8-11

8 Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.

9 Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work:

10 But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates:

11 For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.

~

Oh Crap. I don't work Sunday, but my server at that mexican food joint in town does, and Lord knows we eat there after church every time I'm up visiting family and going to church in my home town... greaaaaaaaaat. Now I'll feel guilty every time mom and I run through the drive thru at FasTaco cause we're "starving" after church. 

I seem to remember something about food though... didn't the bible say something about food?

Yup. There was something about food. It's called BE PREPARED. 

~

Exodus 16:29

29 See! The Lord has given you the Sabbath; therefore on the sixth day he gives you bread for two days. Remain each of you in his place; let no one go out of his place on the seventh day.”

~

Well I don't know about you dude, but I'm feeling pretty convicted over this one... Thank you Jesus for dying for my sins because I'd surely go to hell after all the Sundays I've either eaten out or been a server myself!

Another question remains though... if we're not supposed to "go out of [our] place" how do we go to church on Sunday? Methinks there is more to this than meets the eye.

~a prayerful and introspective Delanie