A Heavy Hope, a poem

In the dark, the stillness seems unbearably loud,
I try to watch the tv, but can’t even bear the sound. 
The silence speaks of hurts and of pains I’ve long just left unspoken,
The tears flow out in rivers, while my heart’s in pieces, broken. 

All at once, a burning need, in my chest begins,

I remember, long ago, a deep contentment and a friend. 

All else has failed, what can it hurt, I’m sitting on the brink,

I close my eyes, and clear my mind, and then begin to think. 

What do I say? I wonder, in my head all to myself,

Then remember that old book, Long forgotten on the shelf. 

I wouldn’t know where to begin to look, and am too broken to even try,

So I curl up tight upon myself and continue to just cry. 

Aloud or in my head, I’m still not even sure,

I say Please help me Jesus! And can’t say anything more. 

A sudden peace comes over me, a gentle quiet fills my mind,

I feel my friend is with me here, saying not to look behind. 

I give it all to you my Lord, and I’m sorry for it all, 

I don’t know how to do this, so please help me lest I fall. 

Forgive for the mess I’ve made, and thank you for your goodness,

I know with you I’ll be okay, walking in forgiveness. 

Help me keep this peace I feel, to learn to walk your way. 

I never want to lose this, and I don’t know how to stay. 

Teach me to hear your voice again, to read and learn your word, 

Thank you for your presence and for telling me I’m heard. 

I feel a spark of hope begin, I’ve not felt within for ages,

A joy blooms in my chest and I’m thankful for these stages. 

The darkness holds no fear or pain, as I drift to sleep at last,

Talking to my friend in prayer, looking forward not at the past. 

~Delanie Darling

I hope this poem blesses you! It's a sort of reflection of a point in time in my walk with Jesus, long ago, that was a turning point for me. 

Hey you!

 It's been two years, how ya doing?

I've officially graduated and started a big-girl job as a math teacher & I remembered this little blog I had going. I'm thinking to start writing again, so you want to follow along? This aught to be fun!

All the greatest adventures started with ONE step!

Lanie

One thing at a time

I'm at a point in my life where I really have to make the best use of my time possible. I'm back in college with the max number of hours they'll allow, married with two young children who are involved in extracurricular activities and I work at my mother-in-law's restaurant whenever they're short handed. This doesn't even take into account the cooking, cleaning and prepping involved in every day of life with a family. Maintaining such a cram packed schedule, it would be so easy to get overwhelmed and put out work that is less than my best.

My "secret" to successful time management is simple: DO ONE THING AT A TIME.

You can only do what you can do, and getting overwhelmed doesn't do anyone any good. I have to remind myself of this frequently. When the tasks start mounting up, just do SOMETHING. When you've done that, do something ELSE. Then just keep going.

It sounds so simple, as I write it, but it has taken me a long time to come to this understanding, and then to put it into practice. I tend to be an over-thinker and experience what one of my teachers has called "paralysis through analysis," where I think so much about things that I get NOTHING done.

I took time away from my studies today to write this, because it occurs to me that someone out there may need to hear this today. Maybe you feel like you're failing because you "just can't do it all" but you're not a failure! You can only do what you can do, so DO THAT. Do your best at it, and call it good!

Just keep swimming -Dory, Fiinding Nemo

Delanie

My Awkward Self

The early bird gets the worm! ...or so they say.

I thought if I got up early this morning, got the kiddos and hubs off to school/work and started in on my classes, I'd be doing well. Turns out that one of two things must be true: either my class content doesn't open up until 8am or later, or classes don't begin until tomorrow and I've only made myself look silly.

I have a knack for being awkward, and I've become accustomed to it. I tend to just jump in, and that tends to be messy!

This morning whenever I posted on a discussion board, asking about being unable to access the syllabus and other content (a discussion board specifically intended for a different purpose) only to realize that none of my classes had content available yet, I had the distinct pleasure of feeling remorse whenever I discovered I was unable to delete said comment, after realizing my blunder. In my defense, I was also unable to locate an email for said class, to address my professor directly.

Oh joy.

Currently, I'm polishing off the last of about 8 cups of strong coffee, brewed at 5am this morning whenever I oozed out of bed. The caffeine high is acute and the lack of task to diffuse it on is a little disappointing, honestly. My hope is that by the time this posts, I'll have been able to access my blackboard documents, and all will be well in the way of schooling woes.

I suppose, if my classes aren't available today, after all, I'll just make some more cute t-shirt night gowns for baby girl!

Life is good, if you choose to see it so. 

Delanie

Why Diets Don't Work

Hey y'all!

So, I did a thing. I started intermittent fasting a few weeks back, and I have to admit, I'm entirely convinced I can live the majority of my days doing this and that it will be beneficial to my health and waistline! The cool thing is, this is NOT A DIET, it's a feeding schedule. Essentially, I skip breakfast, and stop eating after dinner. I chose the 16:8 schedule, because I believe this will be manageable for me to do most every day. This means, I eat 8 hours a day, and don't eat for 16 hours.

Let's back up though.

I've seen a huge up-kick in the number of people "doing Keto" which I've heard summed up as the modern take on the Atkins diet. In case you have no interest in clicking the links provided, I'll sum them up this way: low-no carbs... Lots of meat. Yes, apparently that is a thing.

I can remember my initial disgust whenever some of my regulars at the grill, (my mom-in-law's restaurant, and no that's not it's actual name) ordered a cheese burger with no bun and a side of salad... I thought, how dare you do that to a perfectly good and delicious burger! Then, after some contemplation and their explanation of "Keto" I thought, okay... yeah, there's no way I would choose to live life without bread and potatoes, not to mention chocolate, but okay... have fun with that! 😳


 I've had the pleasure of observing these people suffer through their sacrificial diet, and shed many a pound, over the last few months and I will say, I admire their gumption!

All that said, how many times do we hear ads for the newest supplement or diet program? How many people do we know who get super enthusiastic about it and lose a ton of weight, only to gain it all back, once they drop the program?

I'm all for managing weight, as heart disease is killing more people than cancer at the moment, and more and more studies are pointing to poor diet and lifestyles as leading causes.

Back to my initial point, I chose to do intermittent fasting whenever I discovered the video linked in the beginning of this post, and after a week or so of exhaustive research. I was amazed to discover people who had been practicing this lifestyle for YEARS with great success!

My progress so far has been interesting. I began this lifestyle change two weeks before leaving on vacation, and fully expected that to demolish the plan. I can say, happily, it didn't! I lost 5 pounds within the first week, and began to lose the second week, until I quit following the routine in the chaos of preparing to take a family of four on vacation.

The week we were gone, I ate and drank whenever and whatever I wanted, then was pleased again whenever I returned home and hadn't gained any weight. My theory is that in the two weeks prior, I had developed a better gauge of whether I was actually hungry, or just thirsty. Oddly, I only occasionally would intermittent fast in the next few weeks, as we had big changes at work and in preparing for the kiddos and myself to go back to school.

Can we take a moment to be real here? Having kids makes every little thing more complex. Moving on...

I only began intermittent fasting consistently again a few days ago, and I'm already feeling full before I've finished a meal and losing weight again!

In summary, if you want to do something that is sustainable, and will help you to develop better portion control (huge weakness for me), and you are healthy enough to try something like this, (ASK A DOCTOR IF IN DOUBT AT ALL. I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL.) I highly recommend giving it a go! Huge bonus, and TMI warning here, doing this for a week will have you pooping like clockwork! You're welcome! 😉

I have more energy now, I don't tend to over eat at meals anymore, I crave fruits and veggies and best of all, I'm starting to easily fit into clothes I haven't worn comfortably in a long time!

Do what works for you, and love yourself no matter what! 💙


Delanie

Hello again!

When life gets crazy, I tend to go into hermit mode. I stay away from social media, and people all together. Finally, two years after my previous post, I can say I'm at a point in my life that I feel ready to start writing again!

A lot has happened in the last two years, and I'm excited about the direction my life is heading! I'm a firm believer that in every stage in life, joy can be found. We've had many ups and a few downs as well, but overall we are in a much better place now than we were then.

I've accepted an opportunity to attend Texas Tech University and have the privilege of starting there in the fall. We've moved into a house that is twice the size of the one we sold, but that also requires extensive renovations to bring it back from the disrepair we inherited with it. After staying home with our babies for 4 years, we put our youngest into daycare this past fall, whenever her brother started pre-K, and I went back to school. I also worked as a waitress in my mom-in-law's restaurant whenever she needed extra staff, and as a substitute teacher in two districts. We've had a few births in the family and a few deaths... it's been a busy couple of years!

I realized, glancing through past posts, that I used to write about a vast majority of issues, but seldom did I actually write super personal things. In the time I've been away, I've discovered other writers and public speakers who share their thoughts and lives in such a way as to not only promote transparency in a time when media is so guarded and biased, but also in a way that invites others to be honest as well.

It is my hope that this can be the start of something new for this blog, and that lives can be touched and blessed by what I share. I tend to be a more private person, so this will be out of my comfort zone, but I'm excited!

If you're following along, thanks for sharing in my journey!

You are enough ❤
 

The Neurological Narrative: the stories we tell ourselves of fear and faith

As we laid down for bed tonight, our little girl says, "The burgens!" She acted like one was going to jump out and get her, so I playfully said, "Are they going to eat you 'cause you're so sweet?" and pretended to gobble her up.

She was jumpy and cried out like she was truly afraid of the mythical bergens gobbling her up like a troll in the Disney film! I recognized the irrational fear we're all susceptible to and quickly reassured her, "The bergens wouldn't eat you! You're too cute! They'd kiss you all over like this," as I kissed her all over her face.

"Want daddy," she insisted and crawled over to the warm safe hollow in his arms where no big scary monster could ever hurt her and confidently, as well as a nearly two year old can, told daddy, "Burgens wont eat me, they love me, I'm too cute!" Then promptly fell soundly asleep.

Who could argue with that logic? She's pretty stinkin' cute!

~

How many times have I found myself in a similar helpless, frantic state of terror over the mythical boogymen in my own life? Unexpected expenses, illnesses, or much less dramatic, but no less crippling stresses and trials that I face with worry and doubt.

That's right where the enemy wants me; crippled, frozen, useless in the advancement of the Kingdom of God. The mind is a battlefield and when you focus on nothing but negative, there are unfortunate consequences: you feed the fear and you starve your faith.

What story are you feeding yourself today? One of FEAR or one of FAITH?

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. Psalm 55:22

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

~Peace isn't knowing how things will turn out, it's knowing our God is bigger than our problems!
Delanie