After a much needed trip through the aisles of my local grocery store yesterday, I found myself in line with a nice young lady who greeted me with a smile. I learned that she is a senior and we talked of her plans after High School while she rang up my groceries. I noticed she was one of two checkers working that evening and I was already completing my payment whenever the bag boy came to load the food into bags.
He huffed and puffed and whenever I asked him about his day, he complained that it had been a very busy and exhausting day for him, "they didn't schedule enough people," he said, "and I just want to go home." I razzed him a bit about being a "big boy" and doing his job to the best of his ability, even when he doesn't feel like it, then made sure to note to him that he really was doing a good job; sorting the lunch meats and cheese together, frozen foods together and so on, which I appreciate.
I like this kid. He's very smart, and a senior this year as well. On the way out of the store, he was still whining to me and the therapist in me just laughed. "It'll be okay. Take a deep breath, in your nose, out your mouth," I half joked, then did it with him as we made our way to the trunk.
As he and I loaded my car with the assortment of goods, I snagged the bag of cookies my husband had requested and joked with the boy that I would hide them from my husband until he helped me unload the car and if he complained that he didn't see cookies, I would pretend I had forgotten to buy them at all.
He says, "Wow, maybe I don't want to get married, if that's what marriage is like." Again, I'm laughing inside because he has no idea, at seventeen, what silly things you do in a marriage. I gave him the side eye for a minute and saw a young boy who had been handed much, and expected little of in his life and couldn't resist the urge to impart a little truth on him.
"Then don't," I looked him dead in the eyes and replied. "Marriage can be wonderful, but it's work. If you are a selfish person, don't get married. If you can be selfless, go for it." His eyes got huge. I don't think he was expecting a response, and especially a serious one.
I turned to continue choosing the bags I wanted in the front with me and went on, "If you're a selfish person, don't have kids either, for that matter. And I'm not saying have an abortion... if it happens, you man up and be a dad!" I looked back on that last point and gave him my best mom look, to emphasize my words. His eyes were like saucers and his mouth was open a little. I couldn't help but laugh!
We laughed out loud together for a minute at how serious our conversation had turned, and he joked that he was just trying to help me with groceries, and was going to need to practice those breathing techniques again now, as he pushed the empty cart around the car and toward the building. We said our goodbyes and I laughed the whole way home.
That poor kid never saw it coming. Just doing his job (albeit begrudgingly) and some random lady gives him the talk many parents dread, and fail to deliver themselves.
I'm still laughing over this. I could tell he got my message and will chew on it for a while. I hope he carries this truth with him and even shares it with his peers. It would be quite a big deal if more young people got it into their heads that marriage is serious business, and not to be taken lightly. This whole, "It's okay, if it doesn't work out, we'll just get a divorce," mentality will only get you exactly that.
Marriage isn't all cupcakes and rainbows, but it is a beautiful and complicated part of life. If you'll throw in the towel the first time you can't see eye to eye with your spouse, you wont stay married long.
~Life lessons in a parking lot with Lanie
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