Remembering a Great Man

Anytime I hear this song on the radio, this is the version I'm singing to. Every time it comes on, I remember a moment in my life I had a hard time and this song helped me lean on God and look to Him for How in the Hell I was supposed to make it through it with any sort of Grace, Decorum or Tact...

My Great Grandpa passed a couple of years ago right before Christmas... Two weeks before my son was born... It hurts terribly to know he never got to see him. 

I think of earlier that month, before he passed. I saw him in the hospital and gave him a hard time about just calling me if he wanted to see me... 

He told me he was, "Going tomorrow to the boats!" (His speak for going gambling), and told me the night before, he had been playing cards with (he listed people I've never known because they passed before my time) his friends and he was in great spirits....

I spent many hours with this man, sitting and talking nonsense and listening to crazy stories. I'm so thankful to have had the time with him before he passed. 

I was very troubled at the time because I was told, "Now, you know your grandpa wasn't a Christian Right?!" Whenever I said he was with my grandma in heaven... 

I feel like I have walked with Jesus long enough to know, YOU DON'T HAVE A CLUE WHO IS WHERE. Because You don't have the final say. God does. Not your church, or your religion, or even your pastor/preacher/whatever... 

A person can choose Jesus with their dying breath, or they could even have secretly believed for a long time, but been too afraid to voice it out of fear of rejection from the church or the "Christians" they know, who are not very Christ like in their judgement of others... (ex. Luke 23:43, where Jesus tells the thief on the cross that he'll see him in heaven.)

The flip side of that coin is that a person can also be a leader in a church, someone looked up to by those of their faith, yet they have no personal relationship with their maker in truth, or don't truly believe themselves what they teach... 

Point being, YOU don't know their Heart. God does. Period. Luke 16:15 says it perfectly:
“He said to them, “You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of others, but God knows your hearts. What people value highly is detestable in God’s sight.” Jesus said this to the Pharisees AKA the religious leaders of his time... 

I CHOOSE to Believe God saw that man's heart, just like I did. Yes, he was flawed. Yes, he made mistakes. Yes, he was hateful at some points in his life. BUT at the end of his life, when it was all said and done and his Alzheimer's and dementia got worse, I caught glimpses of the child inside him. 

We all have one, a child inside. His was sad, scared, repentant, and all I wanted to do was wrap him in a huge hug and tell him I loved him. 

We talked about faith, well it was more like I told him what I believe & he just grimaced like he drank sour milk and kept his mouth shut, Lol, but I saw the hope light his eyes that God really could love him after whatever unspeakable things the military had him do, after the way he mistreated his family because he had no grid for how to handle his life, no good examples to draw from... 

I know this is long, but basically my point is, I believe he finally had that talk with God, right there at the end, the one where there aren't words, because HE Knows your heart.... 

I choose to believe that all of my poking and prodding got through that tough old hide, down to that tender heart beneath. 

God is with you, even when you're ugly on the inside... He loves you and he wants you to team up with him so you can shine again, with his love, like children naturally do... 

“And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

Matthew 18:3